Bereavement camp helps kids cope

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Counselor Lauren Morrissey of Woodridge smiles for a photo with camper Wendy Barrios, 7, during lunch time. Adventist St. Thomas Hospice conducted their sixth annual Tommy's Kids Summer Camp at Arabian Knights Farm. | Jon Langham~for Sun-Times Media

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Updated: May 9, 2012 9:38AM

The laughter and smiles that were so evident at Friday’s final day of a bereavement day camp operated by Adventist St. Thomas Hospice were the best possible evidence of the weeklong program’s success.

This was the sixth annual Tommy’s Kids Summer Camp, which was conducted at Arabian Knights Farms, 6526 Clarendon Hills Road, Willowbrook. The camp is for children ages 5 to 12 who have experienced the death of someone with whom they had “a significant relationship,” said Heather Kochen, camp director.

The camp is limited to a maximum of 30 children each year, mainly because the ratio of campers to counselors is one to one. The camp is staffed by hospice staff and specially-trained volunteers, both adults and teens.

This year’s camp had 21 children, many of whom have experienced the death of their fathers.

“We want kids to have fun at the camp and feel that they’re not alone with what they are going through,” Kochen said. “We give them the tools and resources to cope better. We show them healthy ways to express anger and let them know that it’s important to go on living.”

Along with interaction and activities specifically geared toward aiding campers learn to better handle their grief, there are nature hikes, arts and crafts, miniature golf, obstacle courses, horseback riding, a dunk tank and water balloon battles.

Arlene Jarzab is a Hinsdale resident who retired from her job about four years ago as middle school teacher in River Forest. She just completed her third summer as a counselor at Tommy’s Kids Summer Camp.

“I saw an ad in The Doings four years ago and was looking for something else I could do with kids,” she said. “It was too late for that summer, but I started a year later, and it’s been a wonderful experience for me. I’m able to use my skills and give back.”

Jarzab said it’s incredible how much is accomplished at the camp in only five 9 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. sessions.

“Even in a week, we really connect with these kids,” she said. Sometimes, this is the only place they feel safe because they know they are not alone in experiencing what they have gone through.

“These kids have lost so much. They want to talk, but it can be very hard for them. We make kids remember their loved ones in a positive way.”

Learning to think about their dad, who died two years ago, in a positive way is what has started to make handling the pain of their loss a bit more manageable for Myla, 9, and Jace, 7, Gustafson, of Naperville.

“They give us ways to think about the happy things,” Myla said.

Myla and Jace’s mother, Camee, called the camp amazing.

“They have definitely learned a lot of coping skills,” she said. “They feel connected by coming here, and their progress has been very noticeable to me.”

By attending camp, Julian Sampson, 7, of Lisle, has been able to reduce the sadness he feels about the death of his father three years ago.

“It’s really fun; I love all of it,” he said. “I wanted to think about my dad before, but it made me too sad. Now, I try to think of happy stuff.”

Carolyn Bonistalli of Western Springs had been a hospice volunteer for 1 1/2 years. She went through training and became a camp counselor this summer. Her daughter, Clare, 17, joined her.

“It’s been a great experience,” Carolyn said. “Being a social worker, this is very near and dear to my heart. We learn so much from these kids. There’s no wrong way to talk to them.”

Clare said she was very glad she decided to join her mother as a camp counselor.

“I like working with kids,” she said. “You get so close to them being here; it’s like having a little sister.”

And Clare’s experience as a camp counselor may bring more teens to help next summer.

“I told my friends about it, and now they want to help, too.”