Sassone: Take a whack at finding perfect romantic gift
Updated: February 22, 2012 2:42PM
Well, guys, how did you do?
Did you successfully tiptoe through the marital minefield that is Valentine’s Day?
I don’t have a lot of sympathy for those of you who forgot it even was Valentine’s Day. The papers, TV, radio, the Internet were full of Valentine’s stuff. So, if you didn’t know, you deserve what I imagine you got.
The real danger days are birthdays and anniversaries. There are no commercials on TV for those days with announcers shouting, “One-day sale tomorrow at T.J.Maxx for your wife’s birthday, Sassone. Stores open early. ... ’’
No, you just have to memorize those two days of the year. Come on, you can do it. You’re men. You’re smart. Just ask, well, other men.
What really trips up guys on Valentine’s Day is not forgetting it but getting your wife a gift that, if she doesn’t love it, at least is not offended by it.
The main thing is, don’t get her anything that has anything to do with work or housework.
I knew a guy who gave his wife a weed whacker as a gift.
She works in the garden, he reasoned. And a weed whacker will make working in the garden easier, so a weed whacker was the perfect gift.
Need I go on?
She did not care for the gift. To her it was not true that nothing says loving like something from the hardware store. And the inscriptions on the pyramids should be so permanently engraved as the weed whacker is engraved on that woman’s mind. She will never forget. And he will never be allowed to forget.
Thus, the perilous results of the wrong gift.
And the weed whacker was a Christmas gift. How much worse would it have been had it been given on Valentine’s Day? Women — for some strange reason — already think men aren’t romantic enough. And we only confirm this stereotype with weed whackers, or a vacuum cleaner, or a set of pots for Valentine’s Day.
Men sense this potential emotional earthquake and have become full of fear and trembling when Valentine’s Day rolls around. That’s why so many men buy their wives candy and/or flowers. Candy and flowers are safe and traditional. Your wife will not be offended by receiving candy or flowers. She may think you are boring or unimaginative or not very romantic. But let’s face it. She probably thinks that of you anyway.
Then there are the fortunate few. The kind of a man who knows his wife’s interests, her likes and dislikes and are able to buy the right gift on Valentine’s Day.
And for those who forgot the day? Well, all those heart-shaped boxes of candy are now on sale.
Won’t help, though.